??.??.???? – ??.??

drenched in a satin blend
of moonlight and darkness

we are made of both
stars and secrets

09.30.2019 – 15.53

wasting mornings
trying to recapture dreams
like talking to ghosts

something fathomless and wild
rises in me
each time you pull me under

09.27.18 – 00.54

I was raped

by my cousin
in high school

But I let him
I wanted him to.

I wanted to kill myself, and I thought
he would help me escape

But he only helped me dig myself
deeper.

6.15.18 – 04.50

i watch a lot of porn
i enjoy it
i like watching women
being coerced
restrained
violated
i like knowing
that it isn’t real
that it can’t be real
because pain is just an extreme form of pleasure
corporeal
our bodies my body
means nothing

6.15.18 – 04.20

the man the boy
who took my virginity
was 20
i was 16

i trusted him

i wanted him
to want me
but i lost a piece of myself
when i lost It
and i cried

and i lost it
and i cried
again
and again

and my boyfriend at the time

he was 20
i was 13
when we first started talking
online

he told me i cheated on him
but that he forgave me
but i didn’t want
him his forgiveness

6.15.18 – 03.47

the first boy i ever masturbated to
was the first boy who sexually assaulted me
and so i thought it was my fault
and so i was told it was my fault

6.05.18 – 15.16

every fiber of my being
is attached to every fiber of yours
and pulls me towards you with
a dull, pressing, numbing ache
but your body sears my soul
with all the promises you can’t make
so that charred bits and broken pieces
are all that remain

3.23.18 – 11.34

your breath, hot, heavy
on my skin. i can’t even
bear to look at you

.haiku

6.07.17 – 11.56

fear creeps in around the edges
consumes me in quiet dark
chronic, incessant
cresting waves of panic
fade into daylight

5.30.17 – 23.18

pearl-white moonlight
and gray clouds
shine still in the reflection
of an owl’s eyes
inflicting drowsy
heavy-lidded children
with nervous dreams
and pierce the night
with an eerie quiet calm

.a.bowl.of.random.words